Emotion Forums

Oke, last night I heared new info about a murder investigation that my friend is very closely tight to (it's her father's death, her stepmother is suspect). I know, it's clichee. My mom and I used to watch a lot of crime series and at some point I didn't like it anymore. Murder can be sensational and interesting puzzle, but when it happens so close (although I never met the father) it is so unbelievable that I just can't wrap my head arround it. I have a headache of the emotional impact of everything she told me last night. Last time I talked to her they dug up her father (which is pretty disturbing to think about in itself) because her stepmother was suspect. Now, with the new facts it's 100% sure that the stepmother killed at least 1 of her 2 former husbands. To imagine that she almost remarried last year before she was arrested is just turning my stomach. So strange to imagine all this.. It's scary and hurtful and it's pinching my brain: why? how? I can't wrap my head arround it.
The most disturbing image in my head is seeing the stepmother googling in preperation of his death. I google everyday. It's so ordinary and feels so familiar. Then, to imagine that she was (this is what police found) googling 'sunflower bouquet', 'grave stones', 'how long does it take before (type of painkiller) leaves the body' the day before he died. They found four sedatives/painkillers in the liver of the father of my friend.
This was not some impulse thing. She forged a life insurence. Her previous husband died under suspicious circumstances too. There were signs, but the alarming thing is that the stepmother almost got away with both deaths while on the verge of a third marriage! It a bad thing that such beautiful things a marriage and googling are now placed in whole different perspective. It's like a black widdow spider.
Oh, no what's even worse: the women (an other word that is way too pretty to describe her) has FOUR children!!! The first husband that died was their father..
The only slightly uplifting fact is: my friend always had a weird feeling with that women (not that she ever expected this) and that people who knew her closely weren't deceived by her lies (anymore): the parents of the stepmother helped my friend file the report to the police when they all had a agut feeling that something was off.

Thank you for sharing Emotion, maybe Crystal recognizes these feelings that you describe. I too have experienced the feelings of hollowness that Crystal describes but for me it wasn't because of a depression. Regardless of my personal experiences, I tend to think that everyone is/works/experiences differently. I hope that you both find out for yourself what makes you happy and what works. Talking about it may help achieve that goal. For me, the biggest things are/were self-acceptance and letting go of expectations of others.

Hi Crystal,

You say you feel like you won't be able to manage working in the future. Did you mean that you're doing fine in your job right now, but you're affraid that you can't handle your job in the future? Did you mean that you're affraid that you can't handle the combination of job, children, and marrage? Or did you mean that you already feel overwelmed by your job which also causes you to worry about the future?

Do you feel like other people expect you to have children and marry? Do you feel pressured to do those things for any other reasons?

Do you know for yourself (you don't have to explain) what causes your tiredness?

Lana.

That's very kind!

Hi Crystal,
Do you often feel this feeling when being arround others while having a good time?
Do you often feel it when your alone?
Do you ever feel it while doing physical excercise?
Does this feeling frequently occur when you think of: romantic relationships, family, friends, job(s), yourself (body, behaviour, etc.), money, future, past, your house, etc.?
Have there been / will there be any sudden / big changes in your life?
Are you tired a lot?
Lana.

Thanks Crystal.
I did write my feelings down but it got only worse. Maybe I need to keep doing it, to release all build-up feelings from the past years..
But I know that writing can be very helpful. It has been for me too in previous situations.

I'm glad!

Beautiful, indeed more possibilities than Terraria :).

I haven't played minecraft but I've been told that it's similar, yes. I did try one session but I'm not so good with using the controlls in 3D games. I feel handicapped :p. Maybe someday I'll learn. Do you like minecraft better than terraria?

This is a test. I pressed the button 'new post'. Previously it would look like I replied to my own message. I hope I won't this time..
[hr]
Had a good day yesterday with two amazing dogs! A friend was looking after them and I borrowed them for an afternoon. They're so cuddly! I know one of them for a long time, and were're getting along great! He's so playful ánd cuddly. He's a mix of German shepherd and labrador. I want a dog when I have the space and when I can afford it. I'm affraid I won't find a dog like him! I love him! Do you guys love dogs?
[hr]
oke.. Emotion: now you can see what I mean: I pressed 'new post' again (just like with the test message) but now it looks like I replied on my previous message. That's weird.

Hey all,
I enjoy Terraria. It's a 2D platform game. You can mine minerals, build houses and fight mosters. Anyone else who plays it?
Lana

[quote='Emotion' pid='457' dateline='1407902235']
[quote='Lana' pid='456' dateline='1407756703']
I don't understand: you're affraid that he will leave or you wánt him to leave?
I'm sorry you feel unhappy about your faher.
[/quote]

Her father has been abusive towards her so she wants him to leave her alone.
[/quote]

Oh that's very horrible! I wish Crystal all the peace she needs and deserves. Hug!

I don't understand: you're affraid that he will leave or you wánt him to leave?
I'm sorry you feel unhappy about your faher.

Thanks Crystal!

THE 16 DESIRES (Steven Reiss)

Acceptance - the need to be appreciated
Curiosity, the need to gain knowledge
Eating, the need for food
Family, the need to take care of one’s offspring
Honor, the need to be faithful to the customary values of an individual’s ethnic group, family or clan
Idealism, the need for social justice
Independence, the need to be distinct and self-reliant
Order, the need for prepared, established, and conventional environments
Physical activity, the need for work out of the body
Power, the need for control of will
Romance, the need for mating or sex
Saving, the need to accumulate something
Social contact, the need for relationship with others
Social status, the need for social significance
Tranquility, the need to be secure and protected
Vengeance, the need to strike back against another person

A slightly bigger explanation of each of the 16 desires can be found here:

http://www.reissprofile.eu/basicdesire

I have the book but since I can't send the book, this link may also be interesting for you is you want to read more about it:

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/whoami.htm

I will now explain more on how this theory has shaped my thinking regarding my personal motivations and drives.
While I was observing my behaviours and feelings, I tried to figure out what motivated me do do some things I did. For example when I was making myself pretty (nails, clothes, hair, etc). The first reason that came to mind was: making myself pretty for potential suiters. (romance) Thinking more about it, I discovered that I also pay a lot of attention to my look when I'm meeting with new female friends. So maybe I want to impress? (Social status) Maybe I'm affraid that they will reject me as a friend if I dissapoint them somehow so I do my best in every way to (acceptance)?
I think now that it's a certain mixture of reasons and, depending on the situation, other motivations plays a bigger part. After analyzing much more bahaviours like this over time of myself and others, I came to the conclusion that someones behaviour may be an indicator of his/her motivations but the true motivations can sometimes be different than what you expect.
For example: excercizing. Some people love to excercize. They score higher on the need for 'physical activity' than couch potato's. But not everyone who sports had a high need for excercise. Some do it to be more attractive to romantic suitors (romance), some do it for a good health, because it's fun to do team sport (social contact), to win and be the best, (social status/power?) etc.

After analyzing myself like that I discovered that I was doing some things trying to fulfil certain needs, while I could be doing other (more direct or pleasant) things that fulfilled the same needs.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Hi Emotion,
I'm doing a master in social sciences. Moodpanda is nice (at the time being, using it only since a week) for tracking your mood because (I use the website btw, not the app)my mood fluctuates. When I feel bad I can't remember that I felt good the day before. Not remembering makes me think negatively about everyting because I tend to think life was always bad (or that the good won't come back). Moodpanda helps me remember. I can look at the past two weeks and see that my mood was pretty good. So when I feel bad again, I know that it's only temporary and I will feel better again. And that feeling bad makes me see things negative and I shouldn't take those thoughts too seriously.
Also, (depending on your privacy settings) you can read other people's mood and others can respond to your mood (by giving hugs primarily). This emphasizes that you're not alone in feeling bad. Also when happy, I like to give people kindness, support and advice. It's empathy.

Thank you for you reply Emotion.
I think accepting could be a part of the solution. Hopefully I will succeed. And I hope she does the same.

I experience something other than sadness, anger, anxiety, happiness, boredom, stress, regret, or drive when I'm:

• feeling lonely (missing social contact in general)
• missing a lover (either when I have none or when he's not arround)
• feeling clammed up (when I feel 'hard' / emotionless /distant towards people, as if there is a wall between me and them.)
• feeling conflicted about something (this could result in feelings of dispair of frustration but is not synonymous with it)
• hurt by someone I trust (this could cause sadness and anger but there is some other component that plays a part here. Maybe betrayal?)

I think feeling 'happy' could be specified much more since there are many different positive feelings. For example:

• feeling proud of something I accomplished
• feeling at peace and trusting
• being in love (which can be both good and painful..)
• receiving a compliment or feeling appreciated

Hello everybody,

I'm a 26 year old Dutch woman and I'm currently doing a master at an university.
After using moodpanda.com for a few days I noticed how nice it was to express my feelings to strangers. Then I felt the need to share and discuss my feelings more elaborately. So when I looked for such a forum, I found this site. I hope to find like-minded people here.

Lana.

Hey, I read both your posts and would like to make two comments:

1. Using those liquid backing things (that have a mixture of fat and water) are less scary than oil for cooking. It reacts less with 'exploding splashes' than oil. By the way, it could also help (when using oil) to use less oil, let the oil not get too hot, and to pay attention that the food you put in the pan is not too wet. (so let washed vegetables leak / drain a little bit before putting it in the pan) This also decreases 'exploding splashes'.

2. Finding out the reasons of procrastinating was also helpful for me.
   The theory '16 desires' (by Steven Reiss) has helped me understand my personal motives much more. Steven distinguishes the following 16 psychological drives:
   acceptance, curiosity, eating, honor, independence, idealism, order, power, physical activity, romance, tranquility, vengeance, familiy, saving, social contact, and social status.
   This theory made it easier for me to accept myself and to cope with jealousy to others. I am for example very curious. I enjoy learning and understanding how the world works. When I am jealous at popular people I say to myself: popularity is for people who have a high need for social contact and/or social status (maybe some power too) and since I don't have those needs, I wouldn't be as happy in their shoes as I think I would. I'm jealous at the fantasy, but in reality I would prefer a silent, undisturbed place to learn more than being being in a room with talking people all day.
   Before I continue my monologue: are you still following me? Are you interested in this?