Ok so just to clear things up there are times in my life that I don't seem on the surface stressed out or irritated. But just underneath the surface I'm constantly feeling this ball of frustration/stress/irritation/anger ready to explode for little to no reason with little or no notice.
I'm fully aware of this situation but I seem to have no control over it. It's really starting to effect my life in ways that I fear will be un-fixable. It's affecting my ability to work. It's affecting my relationship. (my ability, or seemingly lack there of, to work is also affecting my relationship..) It's affecting my ability to do normal, every day things like going to the store, or something really basic like that.
I have serious depression, social anxiety, and general anxiety issues. I am currently really incapable of seeking professional help due to financial issues and living in the wonderful nation of America (no it really is a good country but our "healthcare" is horrible) and not having basic medical needs met.
I'm pretty much constantly on defensive mode these days. If I'm not currently being super defensive it doesn't take much to push me there. I know later on that I've just blown stuff out of proportion but in the heat of the moment all I can feel is: I'VE BEEN ACCUSED.. I'M IN TROUBLE.. THIS ISN'T FAIR.. I'VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG AGAIN.. NOTHING WORKS OUT THE WAY I WANT IT TO.. etc etc..
I'm at my wits end here I need some advice from someone if anyone can give me any. I can't let my irrational yet seemingly uncontrolable thoughts and emotions ruin everything in my life.
Sorry if this is horribly put together or if it's too much/not enough information.