In my experience it seemed to take a lot more effort and willpower to manage while being depressed, and no amount of effort or willpower seemed to have any lasting result. The effect of depression was a greatly reduced sense of available energy for anything. I equate emotions with the mail and they always have a message. Sometimes I go far out of my way to avoid the message because I don't want to hear it. For me the idea that superficial things cannot make me happy was a message I didn't want to hear, but when I finally got the message I saw that there is a far more meaningful and purposeful way of engaging with life. I had to give up on the hope that someday my superficial dreams will come true. Holding onto superficial dreams was depressing. Letting go of what can't work anyway led to a new sense of lightness that I did not know was possible.
Not a very happy story
Ok..here it goes..
Some things have been eating me up and well, not sharing them with anyone and bottling them up is kind of gestating.
So, I guess I'm gonna share it with whoever reads this.
There's this girl I met in freshman year and we became really good friends. In fact so good that we shared everything from out past, present and future, literally talking day in day out in every way possible. It wasn't long that it became kind of an addiction.
At least for me it seemed this way and felt kind of same from her side too.
A year passed by and suddenly one day she entirely ceased any form of contact. She wouldn't speak, wouldn't even reason for her strange behavior all of a sudden. So obviously I started to think of something I may have said or done to upset her to such a great extent.
Almost another year passed by, I started acting casual around her and we started talking again, but like with any other friend. After almost 6 months or so, in a conversation one thing led to another and she herself explained the reason of her previous behaviour. The strange part is it was a really really lame reason she gave which felt half explained/made up and what not, although it revealed nothing happend because of something I did. All I knew was I wasn't satisfied with the reason for all I'd suffered. It was devastating and one of the most worst experiences of my life I can never possibly forget.
We still don't talk much but everything looks normal and fine on the outside. On the inside, I can never ever forget how she worse she made me feel. With time, initially I kind of developed dark, remorseful, revengeful feelings towards her which are fading away real slow, not that I don't care about her, but I certainly don't want to show it anymore.
I really hope this fades away at a much faster rate when I complete my degree one month from now.
Hi wanderer, welcome to the forums!
It could be possible she suffered from clinical depression and couldn't bring herself to explain the situation. That would make sense as to why she wouldn't give a reason nor speak at all.
Regardless, the only thing you can do is move on and forget about her. But that's easier said than done. Meditation can greatly help keep the negative emotions under control. Exercise is also important. I think simply keeping occupied or busy all the time can help you to forget about her and erase the negative emotions you're thinking about. Especially if you find something you're really passionate about, you'll be thinking about it more and more until you completely forget about her.
Ya I'm actually trying my hands on meditation for various reasons. Kinda helps. Trying to keep myself busy too. Thanks though.