Anger resolvement
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Hi all,
I'm not an angry person but when I'm angry I feel as if it's a taboo emotion (at least towards persons. I feel as it's 'ok' to be angry at situations) and I don't know how to process it. I had times when I punched the boxing ball vigourisly and that was relieving, but only temporarity. I don't like it when people scream at me so I don't see that as a solution. Also, thinking bad thoughts about the person(s) is temporarily satisfiying but only feeds the anger in time. I like the concept of assertiveness: to express feelings towards someone in a kind way. But what if you think is to hurtful to say in kind words or what if you don't want to see the person again? (lost friendship). How to process anger in the absence of the object of your anger? And in case I do want to see the person again (my sister), is it possible to improve the relationship without talking about what annoys me about her?
All the best to all!
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The way I've dealt with this is by ignoring the thing that makes me angry towards someone. Expressing your anger towards the person will most likely end up hurting the friendship so I try to simply ignore it and accept that it's part of them, especially if it's a family member.
Another thing that would be very helpful is meditation. Anything that helps you relax and better able to control your mind would be helpful in reducing the anger. I find drinking black tea to be helpful in relaxing me.
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Hi, Lana
[quote='Lana' pid='442' dateline='1407585448']
What if you think is to hurtful to say in kind words or what if you don't want to see the person again? (lost friendship)[/quote]Depends, if you're extremely upset in that moment and your emotions are controlling you in that moment, don't say it. Nevertheless, if you've already thought about the possibility of letting this person go, you should express the fact that you don't want to see the person anymore. Your well-being should be your priority #1 and if you think these decisions make your life better, do it. You won't regret it.
[quote='Lana' pid='442' dateline='1407585448']
How to process anger in the absence of the object of your anger?[/quote]Bury these thoughts in the past. Find new activities to distract yourself. Exercise does help a lot.
You seem to be very young. While you're thinking about negative things and feeding your anger, others are enjoying their lives and maybe they're not even thinking about the pain that they might've caused you in the past.Think about it
[quote='Lana' pid='442' dateline='1407585448']And in case I do want to see the person again (my sister), is it possible to improve the relationship without talking about what annoys me about her?[/quote]
No, you need to talk about these things, because they'll haunt you and will cause you discomfort. Communication is the basis of a good relationship.
Sometimes, when I'm extremely angry (because it's happened to me) I write. I start writting and writting the first things that come to my mind and let myself go (in some ocassions, my mind has gone totally blank and I can't remember very well after that). Nevertheless, that helps me a lot to release my anger. You should try it....
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[quote='Lana' pid='472' dateline='1408374853']
Thanks Crystal.
I did write my feelings down but it got only worse. Maybe I need to keep doing it, to release all build-up feelings from the past years..
But I know that writing can be very helpful. It has been for me too in previous situations.
[/quote]You're welcome
I also found this website with techniques to overcome anger. I really like the tips that they give here (I'll apply them as well when I feel angry). It's short and accurate....http://www.howtocontrolanger.net/release-anger-constructively/