Emotion Forums

Lately, I have been feeling very lost. I am not allowed out of the house because I'm grounded. I don't have anyone besides family. In person, at least. I have a boyfriend but we met online and I have a while before I can actually see him in person. I live in a house with over 9 people, not including myself. I, more often than not, hide in my bedroom to escape the crowded house. I have nothing to do as my hobbies require inspiration. Lately, my inspiration has been quite lacking. My boyfriend can make me happy for some time but sometimes even while we speak I get extremely bored. He isn't boring or anything and we make good conversation but I just can't find joy from it sometimes. I know it has nothing to do with him.

I don't know what to do; I'm practically going insane. I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I can assume that is the reason behind it. I go to therapy and take meds. I felt like it was under control because I don't have my low moments and I'm not suicidal anymore. I don't get sad like I used to. But now I feel so restless and uncomfortable (physically) and I need to do something stimulating or I'll go mad.

Here is the problem with that: I have started dating someone else. I feel absolutely nothing for them. They probably feel a ton of emotions toward me but I feel nothing. I don't even think it's my obsession for my ex getting in the way either. I just feel as though I can't love because I can go on a dating site and search for another while I'm dating him but feel no remorse. I feel no shame in it either. Of course if he found out [size=xx-large]there would be a problem for me. Not sure why because I don't have feelings for him in the slightest but I'll go to a psychologist for definite answers.[/size]

So I broke up with my boyfriend on impulse and instantly regretted it for an unknown reason. But I felt the same withdrawal I felt after I quit drinking. I don't fully believe I ever loved him because I only really feel feelings for myself. After he refused to take me back I stalked him a little bit. He didn't seem to care but this was two months ago and I still think about him obsessively. Can you feel obsession without emotions?